The recognition of this holiday reminds me that we often overlook the sacred nature of food-sharing throughout the year. From time-to-time, I come across individuals or a family, usually those with robust religious & spiritual lives, that say “grace” at mealtime. I will never forget attending dinner with my childhood friend Anita, one of 10 children of Roman Catholic parents. I was amazed, amused, and a little frightened as they made the Sign of the Cross in highly synchronized fashion following the mealtime prayer.

Sociologists and others argue that there are a great many benefits associated with family togetherness at mealtime. I would add that pausing for a moment to say thanks for the gifts of nourishment is also useful for young and old, alike. There are so many who have written lyrically about the mystical, spiritual aspects of food preparation and eating together. I choose only one for illustrative purposes. This comes from the great writer Robert Fulghum, famous for his life handbook All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. In From Beginning to End he explains:

“Since the beginning of time, people who trust one another, care for one another, and are deeply connected to one another have shared food as a sign of and a reaffirmation of their relationship. When attention is paid to this sharing, it takes on a ritual character. The nurturing of the body becomes a metaphor of the mutual nourishing of lives. Every time we hold hands and say a blessing before a mean, every time we lift a glass and say fine words to one another, every time we eat in peace and grace together we have celebrated the covenants that bind us.”

And so, this Thanksgiving, my partner and I, distanced from those to whom we are related, joined others at the home of a mutual and gracious friend to share Thanksgiving dinner. It was an inter-generational collection of people, tied together by our generous hostess. I very much appreciated her willingness to bring us to her common table. I brought with me a small token of my appreciation, a copy of a favorite book  A Grateful Heart: Daily Blessings for the Evening Meal from Buddha to the Beatles, edited by M.J. Ryan. It is a fun and inspiring catalog of mealtime remembrances of the sacred nature of shared food. I hope my friend will think of our Thanksgiving celebration as she may select words from the volume, throughout the year.

My family of origin was a disjointed one, and the circumstances of my upbringing were filled with considerable difficulties and loss—this is not to say that there weren’t heroes around me. I learned many important lessons from my particular situation, and I am unmistakably thankful for those who raised me. My immediate family was small and there was not much detailed discussion of “where we came from.” I had certain awareness that “my people” (on my mother’s side, at least) were German and Danish, but knew little about the details of their travel to America. Intellectually, I realize that we all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, but that notion had not truly seeped into my marrow. It was only recently that I really grasped that my own surname, the name of my father, is Scottish. This latent appreciation of my own paternal heritage has been remarkably ignited by my Celebrancy practice.

Over the last year, I have worked with a number of brides and grooms from Scotland, most recently Chris and Debbie from Glasgow. Debbie and Chris, along with about three dozen family members and friends (and a bonus Canadian who is the beloved of the groom’s brother), ventured to New York for a sweet Central Park wedding ceremony over the Memorial Day holiday. Chris and Debbie joined my other wonderful Scots—Anne and Gordon, married several months ago, and Gail and her honorary Scottish husband Jason, who wed last summer. These experiences have awakened in me an interest in understanding my own place among the Scots. The sensory delights offered by these weddings have been innumerable—the distinctive Scottish brogue which occasionally confounds me…..the stories and visual appeal of the family tartans….the unmistakable sound of a bagpipe playing those recognizable tunes of the highland…..all struck a chord in my own heart. The Scots that I have been privileged to work with have been warm, kind folks. As I stood in the midst of this extended family on Friday, I could literally see myself in them. I shared their physical characteristics—eye and hair color, complexion, and stature. I really looked (and felt) like I belonged.

It is interesting that this emotional prompting dovetails with the Memorial Day holiday, which at its core is a weighty remembrance of those who have served our country. A few weeks ago, I was searching through old family photographs, which are used in this website, and I came across a nearly century-old letter that my paternal grandfather (Mr. Ritchie), a low ranking soldier in World War I, sent to the young woman he was courting, who became his wife and is my late grandmother. I spent very little time with these people and did not know them well, but my heart was filled with pride, gratitude, and wonder as I read this letter, which must have been early in their courtship. The penmanship was perfect and words were carefully chosen. My soldier grandfather—a young man of little means and education—wrote simple, but commanding, words about the justice and purpose of this war, The War to End all Wars, as they deemed it. We know, of course, that this fight for Democracy was not the final war. Moreover, the idealistic youth of this soldier was, in the end, filled with generous portions of sadness, including the loss of his second son, who died as a pilot in the Vietnam War.

The combination of my looking into the faces of old photographs, reading the words of my long-dead Scottish grandfather, the national celebration of Memorial Day, and the magical elixir my new Scottish friends sprinkled on my heart have created an irresistible desire to ask simple questions: Where are my people from? And what happened to the young family of that Vietnam soldier, Herman Ritchie, who was lost in service to our country when I was still an infant. During this long holiday weekend, I find myself prowling the internet to begin searching for information. I hope that years from now I will have a journal full of names and dates and places, and perhaps new friends. I am looking for my clan. I would not have imagined that this would be one of the gifts of being a Celebrant. I will report back to you, gentle readers, about my progress on the voyage.

Meg begins her tour of rituals by emphasizing what we all know intuitively: people young and old need rituals. Anthropologists have never found a human culture without ritual, and psychologists show that early comfort rituals with infants give them a sense of security and well-being, key to their healthy development.

The book gained much-deserved attention in the popular press. Indeed, the quest for meaningful family rituals was evidenced by online communities of moms trading ideas and inspirations of how their families embraced special day and every day traditions—the variety and creativity are astounding! The repertoire of this book’s rituals is extraordinary beginning with “traditional” holidays—New Year’s, Mother’s Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, and more. She complements these familiar holidays with new-fangled daily, weekly, and monthly rituals, along with children’s rites of passage. This little book is a treasure trove of easy and fun ideas representing what is simple and transformational in the lives of families. Thanks! Meg, for such a wonderful book and one of the catalysts for my own journey into the world of celebration and ritual.

The Celebrant community offers customized, rich ceremonies to honor these impulses, while fashioning a baby welcoming that suits the intentions and sensibilities of the new parents. In many ways, the Celebrant-led baby welcoming (or baby blessing) resemble the religiously-inspire rituals mentioned above…..there are abundant thanks to the extended community of support, both family and friends, a message about the name selected for the little one, and announcement of “guide parents” who will serve as special adults in the child’s life. But there are differences, too. Should the couple be connected to their faith traditions, in any way, the ceremony participants may wish to read passages of their particular holy text. Likewise, Celebrants offer rich ideas for other readings—poetry, prose, personal statements—that are meaningful to the family. Likewise, this type of ceremony presents a perfect occasion to pursue secularly inspired rituals to convey the abundance of a new life, by birth or adoption.

As with other celebrations and rites of passage, the planning of a child welcoming is accompanied by a special pursuit of the Celebrant to learn about the couple, their family, and hopes for the new family member. So, a life-cycle Celebrant will begin his or her work by providing questions to the parents which illuminate “their story.” One of my favorite portions of these questions relates to how each parent describes the nurturing quality of the other. There are no more beautiful words than hearing a first time mother describe her thoughts about what a superb father her partner will be, and vice-versa. Likewise, the words around the selection of the guide parents and their “qualifications” for this special status can be heart-warming.

Indeed, all aspects of this celebration serve, in my mind, as a public gratitude list—for the love and support of family members and friends, the love between the parents and for the child, and the fundamental hopes and aspirations for the baby to have a happy, productive life. It doesn’t get any better than that!

The negative impacts of a job “downsizing” are innumerable and are often associated with a sense of personal failure and shame. Celebrants have responded to this difficult life passage by developing special ceremonies of healing around this unfortunate circumstance, bringing light and hope to those experiencing a lay-off. The particular choreography of this ceremony is guided by the personality of the individual and family involved. The primary goal, in each case, is to recognize the contribution and worth of the newly unemployed worker and to underscore the continued support that person will receive from his or her community of loved ones.

A number of months ago, I was able to attend a “downsizing” ceremony conducted on behalf of a senior worker in the financial and technology field. In a small gathering in a sweet patio garden of an Upper West Side townhouse, about two dozen individuals joined to listen to the personal narrative of this individual who was lovingly surrounded by his wife and friends from every era of his life. The Celebrant leading the ceremony had woven together the narrative of this fellow’s personal life and work history. At various junctures in the ceremony, literal gifts were opened by the honoree, representing different points in his career path. The ceremony was punctuated with readings and descriptions of the value of this person’s work, skills, and abilities. Moreover, the ceremony provided a backdrop of encouragement that this difficult time would birth new possibilities in his work and personal life. For this person, he transition from working within a large institution to becoming a consultant in a more particularized part of the technology sector. The honoree was most certainly grateful for this respite in coping with his new status as a displaced member of the American economy.

I believe that it was really a healing moment for all involved. In an advanced economy, like ours, one’s worth is often reduced to his or her gross income. This gathering reminded all of us that our value cannot be counted in dollars, but is about the love and service we give in our work and the dedication to a job well done, regardless of what it says on a business card. The event was a visual representation that “we are all in this together.” We travel on the road of life as part of a larger tribe, whose members will be there to pick up on of the beloved when he stumbles. There is no amount of money that can buy that gift.

The Celebrant’s ceremony of divorce healing is utterly contrary in its approach. The purpose of our work is to honor the original intention of the marriage and the love and care given to trying to make the relationship work. There is an acknowledgment of the mourning associated with recognizing the failure of an intimate relationship. The newly divorced person is surrounded by his or her closest friends and family members, who offer their support in the next phase of the life journey. Indeed, there is an observance of the adventures on the horizon for the newly single person. With love and honor, he or she is encouraged to proudly step back on the path of life’s lessons.

A Celebrant-led divorce ceremony is particularly well-suited if there are children involved in the marital break-up. Children of any age suffer greatly during the divorce process and aftermath. This healing ceremony provides an opportunity for both parents to declare their unconditional love for the children and the promise that they will continue to partner as the most effective parents possible.

Although it seems that the divorce rate in American may have leveled off in recent years and may be on the decline, there is no question that much work remains in providing support, understanding, and healing following this most terribly challenging passage of life.